The more equal your marriage, the better your sex
On average, the men and women reported having sex about seven times per month. It was just that both partners thought the sex was worse when women were doing more than 60% of childcare.
Just an interesting topic I brought up with Mr Human hahah. When I lived with him in Amsterdam, we actually split the chores pretty well I think. We did our laundry together (or one would do it if the other was busy, but we made efforts to make sure it was balanced out), cleaned the kitchen together, I'd vacuum while he'd dust. We cooked dinners together (he always does the frying though, I scream when the oil spits up, that shit is terrifying). It was really nice actually, now that I think back on it.
So some excerpts I found interesting.
- I first read about the correlation between less sex and sharing home chores a couple years ago... The theory was that people are aroused by manly men and womanly women. So watching your spouse do something traditionally done by the opposite sex—a man vacuuming, for example—might arouse appreciation, but not sexual longing."
- Those studies may not have been completely wrong; but they were significantly dated, based on couples surveyed in the 1980s and early 1990s. New research on couples who got together more recently has reached a totally different conclusion: Sharing chores and childcare these days actually leads to better sex and happier, more stable relationships.
- Then, in the latest research, Carlson looked at the same couples’ reported division of childcare and compared that to how they rated the quality of their relationship and sex lives. Carlson found that in unequal arrangements, where women did most of the childcare, couples reported worse sex and less satisfying marriages.
- On average, the men and women reported having sex about seven times per month. It was just that both partners thought the sex was worse when women were doing more than 60% of childcare.
- The couples had the highest quality relationships and sex when they shared childcare equally, which the researchers defined as each partner doing somewhere between 40% and 60% of the work.
“All these things are changing,” the family historian Stephanie Coontz told me. “In the 1950s if you wanted to have a stable relationship and you were a woman, you’d better stick to being a good housekeeper and a good listener. And God forbid you should ask your husband to do dishes or change diapers.”
Today the opposite is true.
- “Shared childcare and housework is now one of the best predictors of marital satisfaction and actually we find that it lowers divorce rates,” Coontz said. “What men and women want in a relationship is someone they can respect, someone who’s interested in them but also interesting on their own, someone who shares their activities and interests.”
I especially thought interesting the part about changing times and how now-a-days its more about equality in household care and childcare. I don't know, its very well known that our modern society is characterised by women slowly becoming more active in society but it's nice to see this take on it. How it might affect what relationships look like. Also interesting that people's take on a 'happy relationship' can change so vastly in different times right? For me, I've grown up with it being obvious that you'd want equality but it's a nice reminder that this wasn't always the case.