I've been having quite a busy week, like 4 things back to back in a day with assessments sprinkled in between. Last night, I decided to forego rock climbing and have a nice relaxing night to myself. To just chill out. I ended up spending the rest of my night on TEDxUNSW, a project I'm working on to help bring TEDx to my university.I enjoy everything I'm doing. I used to really like the feeling of being busy, of having many things on my plate and being a part of a lot of things. But now I also value just not being productive at all sometimes. Sometimes it's nice hey.
So this morning I had the most delicious sleep in ever and listened to music in bed. I ended up thinking of this song that a boy once showed me a long time ago, back in my trance days. I remember... he told me I had to listen to it properly. With headphones in, eyes closed, volume up. I did.
And it took me to the galaxy.
I think I'm a galaxy oriented person. I love the stars. Sometimes I imagine myself playing amongst the stars.
Today I listened to this song and my mind just started floating. I imagined walking through the galaxy with the stars all around me. Playing with the lights. Spinning amongst glowing twirls.
I say I imagined but it didn't feel like an imagination, it felt like my spirit was actually there. Like the glowing ball inside of me was up there.
And I just started crying so hard. Perhaps it was the built up busy-ness of the week. It wasn't a sad crying. More like the cry you cry when you are hit so hard by a realisation. I was hit by the fact that I'm a child of this universe.
Maybe this makes no sense to you. That's okay. Sometimes it's okay to just read how someone else thinks without having to understand it fully.
But I just fully felt that I'm a part of this universe, every single part of me. It made me feel happy to realise I was a child of this universe. I had this thought that it would be okay when I died, because finally then my spirit could be amongst the stars. Dance and glow and play. And I know people might be sad if I died but I felt this desire to tell them like... It's okay. I'm dancing amongst the stars.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic and morbid with all these thoughts. It actually felt more like a welcome relief. Like for this split, SPLIT second, I fully embraced life and death at the same time.